Love is in the air at our house and it’s got me worried. My son has a girlfriend. He wants to spend time with her after school. My son is 16. I work in the late afternoon until evening. The math doesn’t look pretty.
My son has had a handful of carefully selected friends at our house when there wasn’t a parent present. One of them is a girl; we’ll call her “Alice.” I’ve known all of these children for years and I know their parents. In every case, the parents knew that there would be no parent at our house and every one was cool about it. All of the kids allowed over during the parent-free zone are children I would hire to babysit my daughter.
While friend girls are allowed, girlfriends are a different story. But my son doesn’t see it that way. “You let Alice come over. Whose to say we wouldn’t have done something?” he asked. I gave him a look that said, “Really? You and Alice?” He backed down because he knows the dynamic is different in this case.
I asked my parent friends what they would say to a “can my girlfriend/boyfriend come over” request. One has a strict no friends at all policy. Most would say, “HELL NO!” Two decide cases on a friend-by-friend basis. One mother, whose daughter is gay, pointed out that the situation is particularly tricky for her. In theory, any of her daughter’s female friends could become a girlfriend.
Though my initial reaction to the situation was “no way, not gonna happen,” I’m not so sure excluding girlfriends from the house will prevent anything. Two friends enforced “no boys, no way” policies. Both had to deal with unplanned teen pregnancies.
It would be very wrong to base decisions on anecdotal evidence from friends, but the conversations helped me clarify my own position. My husband and I have never refused to hear our children’s reasonings for the things they want. Listening to my friends and hearing about their experiences with their children, helped me formulate responses to my son that respect his point of view. In the end, though, it’s our job as parents to ensure he behaves responsibly and safely.
So, while love may be in the air, it won’t be on the loose in my house. My son and his girlfriend will have to hang out together with Mom or Dad on the prowl.